Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
