Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
