party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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