Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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