i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
