k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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