You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
