I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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