I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
