break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
