I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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