dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
