I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
