3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
