apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
