I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
