Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
FUCK WHALES
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
