yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
