It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
