Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
