wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
