I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
