I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
