I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
