The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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