I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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