so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
