there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
3pm strippers are depressing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We need to get me chipped asap
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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