it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
