beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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