i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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