do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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