Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
