Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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