you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
