do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
