Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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