Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
