so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
