your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
