Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
