morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
