I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
