It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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