One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
