I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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