cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
