I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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