I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
