Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
